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OUR ROBOT
NO Collection - NO FEE (excluding one-time fee options listed below) ***We are the only active agency that will put your small-time debtor ex-acquaintances on a sustainable payment plan!*** OUR RATES: |
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SERVICE | PRICE/FEE | Doubts? |
consultation (private) | €0/$0/£0 | NONE! |
consultation (public) | €5/$5/NA | |
one-time email to your debtor sent from your email address | 3% of debt | |
one-time email to your debtor sent from our email address | $1.50/€1/£.80 | |
indefinite action until debt is collected- or you don't pay! | 25% of debt | |
indefinite action until debt is collected- or you don't pay! and we NEVER look you in the eye | 35% debt collected | |
use of our patented confession-cubbie and ski-mask system | 45% of total debt | |
sms sent using REEPIE algorithm | 10€/12$/9£ | |
personal visit by a human to your debtor at their place of business | 35% of debt collected | |
debt is not in currency but in an object with abstract value | 10% of projected value of object in the year 2050 (after adjusted for inflation) | |
intangible idea or intellectual property you want back to its rightful owner | 25% basic rules apply even for intellectual property | |
WE deal predominantly with financial systems, and unfortunately do not have any humans on board to repossess your automobile from any credit institution! | SORRY! | |
SPECIALS: |
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a "quickie", half an email from our weakest server | €.50 $.65 £.40 | |
a "fullbie", our feature full length email plus a cup of coffee | €3 $4 £2 | |
"bad customer": we collect on YOU | -€100s | |
extra fees over violence quota: | see fee chart | |
sleep one hour in confession cubbie | €15 (eur only!) | |
we make a one-way TV commercial especially for your debtor starring YOU! (Green screen fees included!) | €10 (can be taken off the top) | |
we make a one-way TV commercial especially for your debtor starring YOU! (Green screen fees included!) naming birthplace, SS#, mother's maiden name and email hints of debtor | €22 | |